Worst Superhero Ever.

Tie Man
Originally uploaded by icarusjapan.

I know. I love ties too. I'd dress film noir everyday if I could. I suppose I actually can but then occasionally I'd look at little over dressed these days. Like this gentleman. Being a leading expert on cool clothing now I can assure you this guy's look is not as hot as you think. At minimum stick with the pants plus shirt theory. You'll make it home if you take the subway and you wont have to constantly squat when you pay for things. Sorry, Pam!

News Flash: Boat shoes aren't goth.

Sometimes something comes along that makes me want to break my $100 rule. I'd have to try these on first but I like what I see so far. Well, technically that's $100 per shoe, right? Problem solved. They actually have a lot of cool shoes on sale right now. And they're really not too expensive. I'm just a big whiner. Besides I see you're making the big bucks now with your fancy "matching socks" and "toothbrush".

Bringing Sucker Back

Justin Timberlake released a new line of $200 jeans and $50 logo covered t-shirts which bring sexy neither back nor hence. Thanks, Justin! Big help. Should I make my check out to "JT" or "Mr Douche Sommelier"? I love his albums but I can live without them just like these clothes. If you're spending $200 on jeans you're probably trying too hard to get some. Here's a tip: Tijuana. $200 will get you lots of love and delicious sopes. You will also come home with change in your pocket and cheap prescriptions to control the outbreaks.

This things I know.

Tight Clothes
Originally uploaded by Inkybrain.

I've learned stuff since I've become a world renowned professional fashion blogger. For example, nice clothes are only a part of the equation. They have to fit right first. Try things on before you buy and don't be afraid to walk away if it feels wrong. Just like Friendster or that "incident" you had at summer camp.

Less is more.

Sometimes you go to work in your snazzy new outfit and sometimes when you do they make you go home. Whatever you do don't give up. We can do this. We are going to find cool work clothes together. I'm not waxing my stomach with you again, though. Also, please stop trying to leave your "The Bachelorette" DVDs at my place.

Does this shirt make me look like a parking lot?

I like the cuffs and the slightly non-normal details of these shirts. They're not too weird but not boring and they're sturdy so it'll survive the rigors of your night out at the tranny dinner club. I like this one but it's hard to tell the cut of it because it looks like the shirt model is pulling the shirt back so it appears more tailored when it's probably not.
What else are you hiding from us, shirt model?? LET ME HEAR YOU SING "BIG SPENDER"!!

André 3000 would be proud.

The cool hat makes you cool.
Originally uploaded by noah es muy guapo!.

It's getting cold out so you should have a good hat. I'm not sure which haberdashery this gentleman found his but I would probably avoid it. Also avoid any clothing stores with "Play It Again Sports" in the name.

The $400 hoodie: When irony eats itself.

I remember in the early 90s when the mall sold flannels for $40. Things like that makes it hard sometimes to jump on the fashion bandwagon. Although maybe I should start buying up all the braided leather belts I can find. Extra long ones for the dangle effect. That shit has to next big thing in hipster clothes. This is all based on my new Uncle Jesse From Full House Fashion Predictor. That d00d was ahead of the curve. Now where the fuck can I find kegs of mousse?

Fashion Accessories by Tron

I totally love all these future-watches I see about every 10 minutes on the electronic-tubeweb. I hate wearing watches though. Someone please start future-thinking on everything else in the world. Here's a list of things I need in order of ascending importance:

- Self-heating winter clothing
- Fortified gummi vegetables
- Car INTERIOR washes
- Curry burgers
- 40 minute roller coasters

Fashion Therapy Session: Part 11

Sometimes your dog is more hip than you. Some dogs are workers like that. They need things to do. Just rub their bellies and thank them for still hanging with you while you're still purging golf shirts from your closet. Don't worry. You'll catch up.

Cool men's shoes or soul-collapsing profanation?

Oh fuck you, Reebok. Souless company exploits dead artist's work...BUT DAMN WHY YOU GOTTA BE SO HOT??

Rbk_54: I'd like to slip these on you
luku: it would be illegal not to lol!
Rbk_54: did you measure them for me yet?
luku: i need one of those dealies with the sliders
Rbk_54: i can give you extra arch support
luku: wait. we're not talking about sodomy, right?
Rbk_54: no, just shoes
luku: oh
luku has left the room

Hipster Clothes That Look Better On You: Part 14

I really want to like this but I just don't. It's just not me but you should get it. Pretty reasonable too for a nicely cut jacket. I'd love to wear suits everyday for everything but I also love having no credit card debt. Just think though how suave I'd look at the comic shop. I don't think my Hawaiian shirt with tie look has the same effect.

Nothing says "Bad Ass" like hearts. And Highlights.

I'd wear this. Their other stuff is ok too. Kinda fun. T-shirts though. That seems to be guy's lot in life. Maybe I should just accept it. I already have more t-shirts than a Fonzie convention. All i need now is to rent an apartment above a suburban garage and only hang out with high school kids and I'll be cool!

No, thanks.

Oh, but they're only $399? Well in that case let me just chip some diamond off my front tooth. At literally 100 times the cost of most sunglasses they must be 100 times the quality, right? I'm betting no. But they most come with a lifetime warranty and see into the future? Sadly, no. However if you've bought these I have a prediction: You're going to die alone.

I'm not making this shit up.

Yes, that is a hood with sleeves. I know. Do you see why I had to start this blog? Oh, and it costs about as much as one or two pairs of jeans which would look about as cool on your head. Can we get some focus here? Yes, a little edgy is a good thing but who's the dickhead giving a designer gig to Carrot Top? Hint: Look for the guy wearing one all the way to the bank.

At least one person likes your blog.

That's really what this shirt is telling the world. Jesus in fact loves your blog. Lower-case bold loves. That's a huge endorsement for $7. Jesus loves bargains too! That d00d is cool. In fact I'm going to enhance mine by adding "AND MY WALLET!" to help spread the gospel. I've never been to church before though. That might not be in the bible.