These will look ok with shorts, right?

Frog Galoshes
Originally uploaded by A is for Angie.

Because I'm never taking these off no matter the season. Actually I think this is the beginning of my super hero costume. I guess I'm destined to fight criminal fly cartels in damp and mildly flooded regions. Now I just need some cool weapons and a theme song. Can you give me Jan Hammer's phone number? Thanks.

How to dress like a hipster and/or coolest girl in the world.

At first I was like "Hell yeah! Flying V!" Then I thought about it and it seems lame to own a shirt with a flying V on it. What is not lame is actually PLAYING a flying V. They should make shirts instead that say "My other shirt is a flying V." Oh man, a guitar AS a shirt is even more rock! How do you out rock that? You'd have to literally make Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley from KISS into a pair stretched-lobe earlets. I bet you'd smell awesome!

Hipster clothing in abundance

IMG_1944
Originally uploaded by Beacon High.

This ebay d00d has a large supply of hipster clothes from the UK. A lot of it starting at £0.01 which sounds cheap. And classy. Hipster tip: If you find a lot of things you like don't wear them all at once. I learned that the hard way one time I was trying to put on all my socks at the same time because sometimes the fall season doesn't start fast enough and I have to make up my own new shows.

Fall means summer clearance!

Just wait til there's a Slight Breeze
Originally uploaded by skootie.

Summer comes and you're always looking at the last minute for a swimsuit. Avoid all that by picking one up now. Clearance racks are still up and sporting some dandies. Looks like this one will also hold your keys and a pizza slice quite nicely.

Style for a sawbuck.

$10 shirts that at least look cool. The shirts they use are not that comfy though but it'll just give you an excuse to take it off. I'm working on that move along with my "Wow, it really hurts my chest when I flex like this..." I think I got a winner if I can combine them. Look for more can't-lose tips in my upcoming book "Excuse me, Is There Ink On My Ass?"

Paris Hilton is a man.

I just have a hunch on this one. I'm betting he just got sick of the postage stamp sized men's departments in clothing stores. Day-one probably started by "innocently" taking something off the rack of cocktail dresses next to the guy's Messenger Biker pants display and bringing it into the dressing room. Bye bye, Parker Hilton. Hello, Paris! Oh man, I hope I'm right. He would be likeable then. Seriously though, someone still needs to punch her in the dick.

Pink is the new awesome.

Guys in Pink Shorts
Originally uploaded by skootie.

It seems like people can pull off anything if they're all wearing the same thing in a group. Like if you see a group of stormtroopers at Orange Julius you know where all the ladies are going to be at. But if you're the only one in a snowtrooper outfit the other stromtroopers are going to wait until you're standing in front of Victoria's Secret to point at you and yell "He pooped his pants in 3rd grade gym!" I swear those assholes are going to pay.

Prepare for Gothtober.

OK, Here's a decent start. I hate the thought of going to most big chain places but since I'm so picky I have to get what I can get. Banana Republic makes solid quality clothes but usually their prices are crazy for something I'm going to spill nacho cheeze on in 3 days. But hey, there's a SALE! Now I can finally slather my ribs with extra jelly and hog down. $40 for a nice dress shirt is totally fair especially considering it's slim-fit. That means it might actually fit since most US men's clothes are cut for giant walking pears. Sorry, Dad!

Don't do it.

Ever. Seriously. You'll will get beat up. By American Girl shoppers. And the sleeves just keep falling in your chili. What? How do I know? Secret Santa. My job totally sucks.

This is what I'm not talking about.

Someone call ABBA. They're probably wandering the city barefoot right now crying and scaring children with their at present less than enthusiastic hobo-shuffles. Don't worry, ABBA. The starting bid is only $75! You'll be back to the hustle in no time as long as you have PayPal and a limited sense of dignity.

Wardrobe 101

One of my favorite bands right now, The Life and Times, prints their tour shirts on Bellas. They seem like a cool company and I'm really impressed with the weight and feel of their shirts. Anyways, Every wardrobe needs some unoffensive-blandness-yet-sharp for the times you're not sure to go dressy or casual. You know like when you go to your buddy's to watch the game but you're really hoping to makeout with his sister.

I think the scarf completes it.

Me in My Favorite Outfit
Originally uploaded by kidplastik.

Witness here the beginning of my theory coming to life: Hipsters will someday decide the coolest clothes are no clothes. Hopefully for the rest of us it will be when this guy discovers vitamins.